‘Having influence is not about elevating self, but about lifting others.’ – Sheri Dew

So, they say you shouldn’t have favourites but if we are honest there are always some kids who you connect with in a different way to the others. It is now June (that is crazy) and during the four months we have been here we have had the privilege of getting to know the individuality and identity of each child here and building personal relationships with them. Each of us has shared the story of a particular child who has had an impact on us. Hopefully this will give you an insight into some of the kids, the issues we face and the improvements we are being blessed enough to see…

Brian is not often one of the favourites but he is one of mine. It took almost three weeks of shyness and lots of games of football until he started smiling and talking to me – I never would have imagined that four months later he would regularly make me laugh at his funny facial expressions, that we would have deep conversations about life and that I would have seen such a change in him. When you come somewhere like this you have to get to grips with the fact that you can’t fix everything all at once. You ARE making a difference, but I have learnt that you see it in tiny steps forward in everyday lives, in the little things that aren’t always obvious from the outside. Brian used to isolate himself and get angry easily. Now he is the first one outside with me with a ball, he wants to practise his left foot so he can ‘be one of the best players’ – which he is not far from being now. He now ignores the kids teasing him rather than getting in fights and he (most of the time) won’t go along with bad influences and peer pressure. He is getting better at focussing in class (although it’s still a working progress) and we spend time every afternoon making up silly actions so he can remember his memory verse. He is the one kid I can rely on not to be insulting me one minute and loving me the next. We have had so many conversations which actually make me think about things – zulu people, England, what we want to do in the future and what God thinks about tattoos. And I look forward to seeing his big goofy smile every day. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not under the illusion he is now an angel (however perfect he is around me) and there are so many improvements that still need to be made. But there is something crazy beautiful about being able to influence his life by being there with him every single day through the ups and downs and seeing how much he grows and matures.

Angry, isolated and irresponsive. These words describe the person Khetiwe used to be. The person she was when we first arrived. Refusing to speak and interact with other kids, hitting, spitting and screaming whilst constantly digging her nails into her face and legs causing bleeding. This child has issues no grown adult should have to deal with never mind a 2 year old. It breaks my heart when she’s in one of her manic modes but nothing compares to seeing, knowing and experiencing the person she is today. The one who has the biggest, brightest smile. The one who says sorry even when it’s not her fault. The one who dances, sings, laughs and actually plays with other kids. The one whom I love beyond all comprehension. Khetiwe.

Sammy is so full of joy. From the second we arrived, she made me smile so much. She is such fun to be around and her laughter is contagious. After many tickle fights, and spending so much time just chatting and joking around with her it is so lovely to see a child happy, especially one who has been through what she has. It kills me however, to see the other side of her, which is miserable to say the least. There are times when she will shut herself off, not speaking to anyone about why she’s upset. The look on her face is so hard for me to see – the look of fear and shame. There have been a couple of times even during our stay here where she has tried to run away. We don’t know for sure why she tried to, it could be just because she wanted to visit her friend from school, or it could be more serious. Either way, for a nine year old girl with a backpack on, wandering alone outside here is extremely dangerous. We are glad that she hasn’t tried to leave for a while, and thankful that each time she did try, she didn’t get far. It is so upsetting to know that she is going through so much inside yet not be able to get any response as to what might be going on and so feeling completely helpless. There are issues between the girls here with bullying, and Sammy is very much a victim of that. This has a lot to do with why she has moments of distress and worry. Being submissive to the abusive speech and actions directed at her has led her to treat the younger girls in a similar way – not surprising as it is all she knows and doesn’t know how to cope with it and also doesn’t really have a choice in the matter if that is what she has been told to do. Being scared of other children and what they might do if you don’t do what they say is not what this place is about at all. It pains me to see incidents like this going on, especially when we can see so obviously how happy this girl is the rest of the time and that she could be like that all the time if everything was as it should be. Sammy never fails to brighten my day and has me in fits of laughter. I really hope and pray that this beautiful girl, my new “best friend” would be able to use her joy for good, and would be able to be an example to others – the real her shining through. In the last couple of months that we are here it would be so great to see her standing up for herself and becoming more confident in who she is, showing care and compassion to others – using what she has been through for the better rather than letting it wrongly influence the way she is around other children.

Khule came to Tabitha when he was two years old, having been found abandoned in Sweetwaters and roaming the streets with stray dogs. From day one Khule was one of the kids I clicked with most. From day one, there’s always one kid that you click with the most, that one child that holds your heart a little bit tighter. And that was Khule. Spending literally 24/7 with him meant within no time I got to truly know him, including discovering his many struggles, attention seeking difficulties and anger issues. As I got to spend more and more time with him he began to play up more often, taking out his anger and frustrations on me and, whilst it would have been so easy to give up on him and focus on someone who will appreciate what you do for them, the love that had grown in me towards him motivated me to love him and help him all the more. For the past four months I’ve persevered to show him unconditional grace, love and forgiveness just as Jesus does for us. Khule is such a funny, loving, caring, bright child with so much potential, and he makes me so proud when I see him heading in the right direction. He has become like a little brother to me, one of my go-to’s when I need a good laugh, my little sidekick or clingy shadow at times. I would spend a lot longer than six months investing in him if I could. He is by far one of the kids I am going to find hardest to leave.

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