I decided 6 years ago that I was going to take a gap year and go to Africa. I am the type of person that, once I have decided to do something, I will do everything in my power to make it a reality (with similar single-minded focus as a wild animal stalking it’s prey). I wanted to go and make a difference to orphans – but when it came down to it i had no expectations of MY life being transformed –  whether that was because I hadn’t given much thought to it or I just freaked out at all the things people told me to expect and just shut down, I’m not sure. But I never imagined such a monumental shift in myself; so big that I would feel like my heart had been made over and extended.

I have heard the stories of people coming back from trips and it changing their life, but I guess I couldn’t quite comprehend that it really happened like that. Maybe I thought they were exaggerating, or just on a high and that it would wear off as they settle back into reality. Maybe I just thought they were the slightly insane and very overenthusiastic Christian type who go up to strangers on public transport, shove bibles in their faces and share how Jesus intervened in their darkest time.

The ironic thing is that now I am one of those people and I know full well that people at home can’t quite understand how going to live with HIV/AIDS orphans in Africa for a few months can turn your world up side down. “Yes, you’ve done a lovely thing, done your bit for those poor people in poverty and now you can carry on with your life and go and follow the safe and accepted path to success.” is what they say (I’m paraphrasing here). I can see it in people’s eyes when they ask me about it – it’s not that they don’t care, but really they just want to hear you enjoyed yourself, see a few photos if you’re lucky and then move onto the next thing. I can’t blame them, I’m sure I’ve done the same to those people I previously thought were crazy.

The problem is in our culture it is all about self-preservation. We do everything we can to avoid being vulnerable. We put our relationship status’ as ‘complicated’ on Facebook because if we commit our hearts might be broken. If I’d have realised how deeply I would be affected, I may have decided that it would be easier for nothing to change. It’s the polar opposite of what makes sense to us. It takes courage to love fully and completely without holding anything back when you know it can’t last. The truth is – like with any relationship – when you have to leave people you love your heart is broken and it is painful. But the way I have learned to love people has been redefined in the last few months.

After experiencing life in vibrant and vivid colour in a way I never even knew existed coming back to normal life seems dull, like the brightness has been turned down. But at least I have had a taste of life in technicolour, and now I won’t settle for less than living a life of adventure, filled with travelling and most of all love. The heartache of leaving the place and people I had grown so attached to is mixed with hope for the future and happiness that I have so many memories from the last 6 months.

The thing that scares me most is how easy it is to fall back into the same everyday routine. Most things are so familiar and natural. But it feels like I’m on autopilot. It’s easy to put on the smiles, share the experiences and pretend to settle back in but inside I feel numb. Trying to somehow carry on when part of me is missing.

The feeling of complete and whole contentment while I was away took me by surprise. I felt at peace internally. Oneness. It reminds me of the bracelets we taught the children to make. With every knot – every interaction, every smile, every conversation, every moment – the threads (our lives) become entwined and we are bound closer together. You become united with these people who you were once unaware of, their struggles become your struggles. The problem is when your life collides with someones and they find their way to your heart it then becomes internal. And that is not easy to remove.

Luckily the God who was in control for the last 6 months in South Africa, is still in control back home in rainy England. He is constant (Malachi 3:6). The God who gave me the opportunity to love those wonderful children in Pietermaritzburg has great plans for my future  (Jeremiah 29:11). When I ask God to ‘break my heart for what breaks yours’, I also know that he is a God who ‘binds up the brokenhearted’ (Psalm 147:3). And through all the difficulties and pain of coming home, I can be sure of one thing  – I don’t want anything less than to live ‘life in all it’s fullness’ (John 10:10). And I can say with confidence I have never felt fuller or more alive.

“Sport has the power to change the world. It has the power to inspire. It has the power to unite people in a way little else does. It speaks to youth in a language they understand. Sport can create hope where once there was only despair. It is more powerful than government in breaking down racial barriers.” – Nelson Mandela

Freshly painted white lines on grass and sturdy goals with nets, snugly fitting boots, uniform jerseys with names and numbers on the back, a shiny ball pumped up just enough and a smartly dressed referee armed with a whistle. Cracking, uneven, dusty ground, toughened up bare feet, colourful and mismatched thread bare shirts, a ball made from rags or plastic bags and voices shouting over each other in Zulu phrases. It’s hard to believe that these contrasting descriptions refer to the same game. I have been lucky to experience playing in both these extremes; it has solidified my faith in the universality of soccer and how much influence sport can have in people’s lives.

I have fallen in love with South Africa – it really isn’t like anywhere else. The individuality, the beauty, and the unique history of a nation being transformed through arguably the most inspirational and important man who has lived in our lifetime. Mandela day (Saturday 18^th July) celebrated the man who brought the people out of apartheid. Nelson Mandela used love over hate, friendship over fear and he realised the unifying power of sports. He stood in a Springbok jersey and handed Francois Pienaar the Rugby World Cup creating a moment of reconciliation and hope which was the birth of the Rainbow Nation. When asked about whether South Africa would play in the cricket World Cup he responded, “Of course we must play”. The revival of this fractured country is an example of how sport enables people to come together and share in the moment – just as we experienced in London as the people of Great Britain came together to host the 2012 Olympic Games.

In Cape Town we were shown around the prison on Robben Island by an ex prisoner who shared stories of their life there. One of the highlights of life there, was the soccer games – even though the prisoners were from different political standpoints, when they played all that mattered was supporting your team and winning that match! Mandela’s vision of using sport to bring blacks and whites together may have been shaped during his time in jail. He later referred to soccer games played on the Island as “more than a game. It can create hope where there was once despair. This game made us feel alive.”

A couple of weeks ago I was lucky enough to be involved in coaching at a soccer camp in Sweetwaters run by a wonderfully passionate and gifted team from Mississippi. In SA children living on the streets or in extreme poverty are very vulnerable; being at risk of poor nutrition, lack of access to healthcare and limited education as well as high risks of abuse and assault. In these places sport is often the way to engage the young people and gradually gain their trust. Many young impoverished children turn to sports, for the simple fact that it keeps them busy.

We were blessed to have the opportunity to run drills and games, Monday to Thursday in the community with over 100 kids turning up every day. As we started to build relationships with these precious people it became possible to offer support addressing issues they are facing such as rape and HIV awareness as well as sharing Bible stories with them and feeding them a substantial lunch. Sport is often one of the few positive things that brighten up these kids’ days. One of the children told us that the annual soccer camp is a huge event in the community. They said “It’s almost like Christmas!” And that sums up what an impact it has, and how much hope something so small can bring.

I thank God that my paths crossed with the amazing coaches I met and that I had the opportunity to be involved in seeing the power of sport in disadvantaged places. My heart has been filled with a renewed passion to use sport to overcome inequalities in broken places and help people to be less marginalised. I believe that sport is inclusive and because of this it shows people how to work hard and play together. I believe that sport offers an education in valuable life skills that can be used to help unite a society and lift communities out of suffering. I believe that it helps people interact socially and builds character. I believe sport can undermine discrimination and can bring hope in the face of oppression. I believe that sport can change lives and nations. I believe in the power of sport!

I don’t think anyone can deny the reality that nowadays we live in a very self-centred world. Our culture teaches us that we are most important and we need to achieve to be worth anything.I used to live for people’s approval. I was one of those girls who needed to be praised. All my confidence came from the recognition I got. I wanted to be the centre of attention. I wanted to be the heroine of the story. I wanted to change things and people. My biggest fear was not being remembered. I guess people can relate to those longings, it’s part of human nature. But I wanted all these things for my own selfish reasons.

In this country there is beauty everywhere you look. Sunsets which have shades you couldn’t even imagine, where the colours are so bright it’s as if there is a light shining behind making it luminous. Beaches with crystal clear waves frothing as they hit the white sands or the rocks which jut out of the water like sharks circling. Never-ending flat plains with dust that makes the horizon line look hazy like in a dream. Mountains which create such nice shapes and silhouettes, covered with green showing life and growth. Standing out in the countryside at night time looking up at the stars it feels like you are in a simulation, the longer you look, the bigger the sky seems, it expands all around you, more stars seeming to light up everywhere you look. Standing on top of Table Mountain, you look down over CapeTown – at the contrast of sea and mountainous landscape, and the city nestled there, while you are in the clouds – and for a moment in time everything is still and you are on top of the world. And I realised; I am so small (just one of billions of people on this earth) blessed to be able to enjoy the beauty of God’s creation.

Here is the lesson I have been learning by the grace of God – I am not the centre of the universe. I am being reminded that I don’t need the spotlight or the microphone. I don’t need all the attention. I can’t change the world singlehandedly. I am not the most important BUT (and this is a very big but) I am loved by the creator of this breathtakingly beautiful and intricate universe. I was chosen and Jesus died for me; yes, little insignificant me. And now I have a purpose. I can be part of an adventure where I get to bring him glory and leave my mark.

I am just an ordinary girl but I am serving an extraordinary God and that changes everything. We have an important mission, we are called to make our life count.

‘I don’t need my name in lights, I’m famous in my Fathers eyes. Make no mistake, he knows my name. I’m not living for applause, I’m already so adored.’

When you think about the whole world and how many people there are we can be overwhelmed at how small and insignificant we can seem. There are 18 million orphans in the world. That is a huge number. When you look at that figure it feels like your effort can’t do anything to change anything. But as I have experienced in the last six months and as David Platt says; when you get to know their individual names and faces and you start to love and care for even one of them, you can change their lives. It’s a mirror of God with us – he knows each one of us, loves us and changes us. One step at a time…

‘Not because of who I am, but because of what you’ve done. Not because of what I’ve done but because of who you are. I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, a vapour in the wind. Still you, hear me when I’m calling. Lord, you catch me when I’m falling. You’ve told me who I am. I am yours’

Orphans live with a hugely significant question which goes unanswered. Who am I? Everyone needs identity. As Christians we have the unique and life altering answer to that question. We can say ‘I am yours’. We can know that we are chosen, we are loved, we are His. It is challenging to share this, but from the last 6 months I can say with confidence that it is totally worth it in every way.

We have spent the last couple of weeks exploring the absolutely beautiful city of Capetown (which by the way totally lives up to expectations). I am so grateful for the opportunity to stay with generous and genuine friends who went out of their way to make our stay comfortable and memorable. I have decided that the best way to share all of our explorations and adventures from the trip is through photos, so enjoy!

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‘I think that playing dress up begins at age five and never truly ends.’ – Kate Spade

Whether it’s fireman hats, giraffe ears or fairy wings there is something magical about playing dress up. We have pictures of me and my sister when we were tiny in princess dresses and clip-on earrings (and even videos of me dancing round in ridiculous outfits when I was much older, but we won’t mention them…). I suppose when you’re small the idea of being grown up is appealing – wearing your Mum’s high heels and lipstick and feeling sophisticated, not like the little one. It’s funny how now I still love dressing up, but for the opposite reason; it makes me feel childish again, free of worrying about what people think.

‘Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.’

While being here I have been learning a great deal about the importance (or non-importance which I am not sure is even a word) of earthly achievements. I have always been a people pleaser. People’s opinions of me matter, they affect me however much I tried to be indifferent about them. I am the girl who can’t say ‘no’ because she doesn’t want to upset people, I’m the one who has to shave her legs just to go walk the dog and who will lie awake wondering if I said something wrong. I have always been myself but I based my self worth on people’s opinions and my own achievements.

But, you aren’t ever going to be able to please everyone. Please hear me, because it has taken me years to realise this. But does it even matter? If we are living to please others we are always going to be disappointed. Earthly things are ALWAYS going to be temporary – they will let us down – there are no exceptions.

Matthew 6:19-21 talks about storing up treasure in heaven. And the only way we can do this is having our priorities in the right order. I was told the other day that this means we need to be more concerned about peoples souls, than their friendship. That is true love right there. Being willing to risk losing valued friendship by sharing, because saving them for eternity is worth the risk that they will reject you. What an adventure we are challenged to. What courage we must have.

It has taken me living in Africa for five months to be able to reduce the time I take to look presentable from 1 hour, to ten minutes. I can now throw on jeans and a t-shirt, pull my hair back and walk out the door without being self conscious all day. But it is a much deeper change than just my appearance. I now feel so much bolder sharing my faith with others, without the fear of them judging me. In fact I know people will judge me, but so what? God is the ultimate judge at the end of the day.

It has been incredible having the opportunity to evangelize in the broken community of Sweet-waters. As well as equipping me to share my faith, it is one of the most emotional experiences I have been blessed with here. As well as providing medical advice and treatment and reading scripture and praying for the patients on Thursday, we were gently encouraged (or more pushed) to share our personal testimonies with them. This is something I have never done before, or in fact even thought about and it made me completely and utterly uncomfortable. Saying that, it was an incredibly touching and rewarding moment. Out of the three patients; one became a Christian, and two were moved to tears.

‘The effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is.’

Knowing you are having an impact on someone’s life is probably the best feeling people can have – influencing, inspiring and helping them change for the better. Leaving parts of yourself with people is something that won’t be forgotten.

Everyday we get to live knowing we are in a powerful position to affect 41 kids futures and lives. The improvements we have seen in the kids academically from when we first arrived is crazy looking back. I guess you don’t notice the little steps they are taking when every day is a tedious frustrating time of struggling through homework or reading group. But then you remember when they didn’t even understand that adding was making the number bigger and now they can do their two times table. Or when they could hardly sound out letters, let alone read a word and now they can read books to you (they may be easy, short books but at least they don’t read everything in one monotone with massive gaps between each word anymore!)

I have been surprised at how emotionally invested I have become in some of the kids and their education. To the point where, when one of the boys failed his Maths test the other day I was actually disappointed. Because I know what he is capable of, and he was better than that score showed. I guess that just shows how much I love them and want the best for them…

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Sometimes to me it doesn’t even feel like we are in Africa, because of how westernised a lot of areas are. But then we drive into Sweet Waters where the poverty is impossible to ignore; those are the pictures that come to people’s minds when they think about mission work in Africa. The mud huts with corrugated roofs and dusty, bumpy roads. Load shedding is something that people have to plan for here. Having no electricity for sometimes a couple of hours a day can really interrupt your life. You have to think about the food in the fridge, how cold it’s going to be, whether it will be dark and if things are charged. Luckily normally at Tabitha we avoid regular load shedding. However the last week we have been learning to live without water. If you have experienced life without water you will know how much this affects – no water to drink, no water to flush the toilets, no water to shower, no water to wash your hands or brush your teeth, no water to wash the dishes. This is bad enough but living with 41 kids and no water is stinking to say the least. It’s a funny life sometimes, we have almost unlimited access to WiFi but no water, there is something wrong with that picture!

It’s craziness to me that we have been away for almost five months. I still imagine England to be in February, like when I left, as if time might stand still because I’m not there to see the changes in seasons and weather. But no, it’s June and it’s summer at home even though it’s now winter here (although it’s still mid twenties during the day just cold at night). I have never been away from home for this long before but surprisingly there hasn’t been any time where I have been so homesick that I wanted to leave. I do have moments though. Some nights I look at the stars and it reminds me how far away I am from home. It’s a strange thought knowing I’m halfway across the world. I guess because the internet can make communication so easy, even if you are thousands of miles away. Mostly though it’s people I miss. It’s a challenge to spend such a long period away from the people you love most. I would never be able to do it without the amazing friendships I have been blessed by in the team. I can’t imagine living without these girls now. I also really understand the saying ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ now.

Thomas has told me that I definitely win the intern who has received the most mail here. There is something so intimate and personal about getting letters when you are this far from home. It doesn’t matter what is written; its just the thought that someone has put into sending it, and that it’s something that has come all those miles that you can hold. My wonderful friends back home sent me a surprise parcel with sweet things they know I love and miss. My thoughtful Mum has sent us Team Tabitha treats and the cutest cards. My lovely Grandparents have sent me letters with newspaper cuttings to keep me up with news from home. The best part of getting these is that I never expect them. I guess being away this long is a real test of friendship and I am so lucky to have the people I do in my life. Thank you for reminding me that I am loved and missed, encouraging me to keep going and always putting a smile on my face. (Okay the soppy and sentimental part is over, I promise).

So we have brought ‘workout Wednesdays’ to Tabitha…well kind of. I have been running the kids PE lessons from 12:30-2:30 every week. As most of you can guess this has been a major highlight for me. It has been amazing seeing them engage and improve. I quite often get kids coming up to me on a Wednesday morning with shining eyes asking ‘Are we doing sport today?’. Recently the girls have been running Zumba while I run fitness and football so the kids get to choose. I was so happy that I could pass all of the kids when doing their report marks for PE the other day. Now the boys are able to hold the plank for 30 seconds, do ten sit ups (well most of them) and (struggle through) 3 push ups. I have never seen so much energy in such small children, and they are so easy to please – just give them a ball and they are happy to kick it around! Discipline and control is a work in progress…

We have learnt while being here that basically anything we do, the kids find hilarious. So we decided to volunteer ourselves to do one of the Friday morning assemblies, i.e. Throwing away any dignity we had left and making a fool of ourselves in front of everyone. I think we actually showed our budding theatrical talent in our modern interpretation of The Good Samaritan and we might even be signing a record deal with a music company after our awesome rapping (okay maybe I’m exaggerating). In all honestly it was absolutely terrible but the kids loved every second and that’s all that matters right? Oh, the things we do for them.

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There are approximately 153 million children who live as orphans; that does not include millions of ‘social orphans’ who live in institutions or on the streets. These were just some of the statistics we heard at the Secret Church event we attended last Friday night. Secret Church is a six hour event where thousands of Christians gather to study the Word and identify with our persecuted brothers and sisters. Personally I think it is incredible that even though the Western mindset (that says that it should be okay for everyone to believe what they want) is being pushed in todays culture, people avoid the fact that thousands of Christians are being tortured and killed horrifically just for what they believe. Maybe because they think it is somehow not relevant to them or maybe just because it is an uncomfortable thought. Christ, culture and a call to action. I found myself leaving feeling completely different and passionate about controversial topics…

“Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they are not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.”

Hearing David Platt talk about orphan care was one of those times where you can’t explain what you’re experiencing until you hear the way someone else has so eloquently put it, but with every word they say you find yourself wondering if they can read your mind. I can’t describe how true those words are for me now. Included in the 153 million children living as orphans are 41 precious children living at Tabitha Ministries who have filled my heart, taught me to love like I never knew I could and who brighten every day with their smiles.

‘We care for orphans not because we are rescuers, but because we are the rescued.’

Those 41 children don’t always make it easy for me. But that’s how we keep going when those orphans aren’t the cute picture we imagined, when they are crazy hard to love and those days when you feel like you can’t make a difference.

I think I will still be chewing over some of the things we heard for months to come but I can honestly say it was one of the most rewarding and challenging things to be a part of.

I had never been to a circus before Thursday. It’s the type of thing that reminds me of those moments in movies. The same as carnivals. With the rides and the lights and the stalls with bad-for-you-but-delicious foods. And the atmosphere where everyone seems to be laughing with their friends. So when I found out the circus was coming to town and we were going to take the kids I was more excited than them!

I suppose it could be one of those situations where the reality of the experience is a disappointment compared to the expectations. But I can honestly say that I had the best time, and so did the kids judging by how loud their laughter was at the clowns and how dramatic their gasps were at the acrobatics. There was a tightrope and a motorcycle riding round a metal ball and the trapeze and animals that did tricks (camels and goats and dogs) and equestrian acrobatics and juggling and there were snow cones and candy floss. The kids massive smiles with their lollipops and them going up to dance in the ring at the end made me so happy.

There is a Royal Show annually here every year. There is no royalty now South Africa is not part of the Commonwealth anymore but I guess they don’t wanna drop the title of the show because they must like the heritage. We felt we had to experience the Royal Show in South Africa though…I feel like we Brits owe it to the Queen or something?! We got to see a sheep being sheared and evil looking white rabbits with red eyes and funny looking birds which could be dusters cause they have feathers as feet. We managed to scavenge all the available testers at the food stalls. We also got the legit carnival type experience – we screamed and sang loudly on rides and ate corndogs (first time I have tried this American invention and it’s better than a hotdog in my book). There are so many little moments here where I start to understand the saying ‘makes the heart happy’ because I feel so light and free inside, and genuinely content. However cheesy that sounds now I’ve written it down.

The other evening I spent half an hour on the trampoline with Siya and Futhi. That short time spent jumping and laughing until we couldn’t breathe was so precious. It is a rare occasion that we are able to spend quality time with just one or two of the kids, but when we get them it is amazing to be able to have more significant conversations and really get to know who the kids are. We also got to take the toddlers out of the Tabitha gates as we got a donation specifically to take them on an outing. Taking them on the play-park and giving them Happy Meals was awesome – we found out that some of them were too scared to even go down the slide, that most of them didn’t like burgers, and I never even knew it was possible to suck the tomato ketchup off a chip so many times without it disintegrating!

I love how there is always something new going on here, that there is so much we can be involved in – it is totally me, always having something to fill my time up with. Our latest excitement has been starting up a Bible Club for the kids in Sweetwaters who were bored while Thomas runs the Bible study for the teenagers. This all started with the sprout of an idea, and we expected the first week to just be a max of 5 kids who knew about it from their older brothers and sisters. What we hadn’t experienced was how quickly word spreads in the community. That first week we had 36 kids show up which totally blew preparations out of the water (we had brought 10 lollipops thinking that would be way too many…awkward). Now we will see how much it multiplies in the next few weeks.

We have had a team of 11 pretty incredible Texans here for 10 days. We were so blessed by everything they did while they were here; whether it was putting locks on the toilet doors (so we actually get some privacy), helping us out with Toddler school in the morning so we could have a bit of a rest, or bringing education resources for the school and training us up in how best to teach and progress the kids. It never fails to amaze me how people can come with servant hearts and put everything into supporting and making a difference to both kids and staff. I really am grateful for how much I took away from their stay, let alone what an impact they made on all the children.

So just incase you wanted another example of how I was mentioning ‘African Time’ a couple of posts ago, we went to Durban yesterday to go and watch South Africa vs Gambia in soccer which was supposed to kick off at 3pm. We had a great pub lunch in an Irish (just for Molly) pub and were ready for the action, only to reach the stadium to find that the game had been postponed four hours because the officials weren’t there yet. Where else would that be okay? Actually though it was a nice afternoon just spending time together, walking to the beach and getting ice-cream (just fyi in my opinion ice-cream always makes any situation better). We cheered for the Bafana Bafana’s and although it was a disappointing 0-0 score and no thrills game I had a great day. Just goes to show that sometimes sticking to plans isn’t the be all and end all!

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‘Having influence is not about elevating self, but about lifting others.’ – Sheri Dew

So, they say you shouldn’t have favourites but if we are honest there are always some kids who you connect with in a different way to the others. It is now June (that is crazy) and during the four months we have been here we have had the privilege of getting to know the individuality and identity of each child here and building personal relationships with them. Each of us has shared the story of a particular child who has had an impact on us. Hopefully this will give you an insight into some of the kids, the issues we face and the improvements we are being blessed enough to see…

Brian is not often one of the favourites but he is one of mine. It took almost three weeks of shyness and lots of games of football until he started smiling and talking to me – I never would have imagined that four months later he would regularly make me laugh at his funny facial expressions, that we would have deep conversations about life and that I would have seen such a change in him. When you come somewhere like this you have to get to grips with the fact that you can’t fix everything all at once. You ARE making a difference, but I have learnt that you see it in tiny steps forward in everyday lives, in the little things that aren’t always obvious from the outside. Brian used to isolate himself and get angry easily. Now he is the first one outside with me with a ball, he wants to practise his left foot so he can ‘be one of the best players’ – which he is not far from being now. He now ignores the kids teasing him rather than getting in fights and he (most of the time) won’t go along with bad influences and peer pressure. He is getting better at focussing in class (although it’s still a working progress) and we spend time every afternoon making up silly actions so he can remember his memory verse. He is the one kid I can rely on not to be insulting me one minute and loving me the next. We have had so many conversations which actually make me think about things – zulu people, England, what we want to do in the future and what God thinks about tattoos. And I look forward to seeing his big goofy smile every day. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not under the illusion he is now an angel (however perfect he is around me) and there are so many improvements that still need to be made. But there is something crazy beautiful about being able to influence his life by being there with him every single day through the ups and downs and seeing how much he grows and matures.

Angry, isolated and irresponsive. These words describe the person Khetiwe used to be. The person she was when we first arrived. Refusing to speak and interact with other kids, hitting, spitting and screaming whilst constantly digging her nails into her face and legs causing bleeding. This child has issues no grown adult should have to deal with never mind a 2 year old. It breaks my heart when she’s in one of her manic modes but nothing compares to seeing, knowing and experiencing the person she is today. The one who has the biggest, brightest smile. The one who says sorry even when it’s not her fault. The one who dances, sings, laughs and actually plays with other kids. The one whom I love beyond all comprehension. Khetiwe.

Sammy is so full of joy. From the second we arrived, she made me smile so much. She is such fun to be around and her laughter is contagious. After many tickle fights, and spending so much time just chatting and joking around with her it is so lovely to see a child happy, especially one who has been through what she has. It kills me however, to see the other side of her, which is miserable to say the least. There are times when she will shut herself off, not speaking to anyone about why she’s upset. The look on her face is so hard for me to see – the look of fear and shame. There have been a couple of times even during our stay here where she has tried to run away. We don’t know for sure why she tried to, it could be just because she wanted to visit her friend from school, or it could be more serious. Either way, for a nine year old girl with a backpack on, wandering alone outside here is extremely dangerous. We are glad that she hasn’t tried to leave for a while, and thankful that each time she did try, she didn’t get far. It is so upsetting to know that she is going through so much inside yet not be able to get any response as to what might be going on and so feeling completely helpless. There are issues between the girls here with bullying, and Sammy is very much a victim of that. This has a lot to do with why she has moments of distress and worry. Being submissive to the abusive speech and actions directed at her has led her to treat the younger girls in a similar way – not surprising as it is all she knows and doesn’t know how to cope with it and also doesn’t really have a choice in the matter if that is what she has been told to do. Being scared of other children and what they might do if you don’t do what they say is not what this place is about at all. It pains me to see incidents like this going on, especially when we can see so obviously how happy this girl is the rest of the time and that she could be like that all the time if everything was as it should be. Sammy never fails to brighten my day and has me in fits of laughter. I really hope and pray that this beautiful girl, my new “best friend” would be able to use her joy for good, and would be able to be an example to others – the real her shining through. In the last couple of months that we are here it would be so great to see her standing up for herself and becoming more confident in who she is, showing care and compassion to others – using what she has been through for the better rather than letting it wrongly influence the way she is around other children.

Khule came to Tabitha when he was two years old, having been found abandoned in Sweetwaters and roaming the streets with stray dogs. From day one Khule was one of the kids I clicked with most. From day one, there’s always one kid that you click with the most, that one child that holds your heart a little bit tighter. And that was Khule. Spending literally 24/7 with him meant within no time I got to truly know him, including discovering his many struggles, attention seeking difficulties and anger issues. As I got to spend more and more time with him he began to play up more often, taking out his anger and frustrations on me and, whilst it would have been so easy to give up on him and focus on someone who will appreciate what you do for them, the love that had grown in me towards him motivated me to love him and help him all the more. For the past four months I’ve persevered to show him unconditional grace, love and forgiveness just as Jesus does for us. Khule is such a funny, loving, caring, bright child with so much potential, and he makes me so proud when I see him heading in the right direction. He has become like a little brother to me, one of my go-to’s when I need a good laugh, my little sidekick or clingy shadow at times. I would spend a lot longer than six months investing in him if I could. He is by far one of the kids I am going to find hardest to leave.

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'If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together' - African Proverb

Those of you who know me will know that I am that girl who hates being late and loves organisation. I'm the girl who always gets to places five minutes early. Who sets multiple alarms, writes endless lists so I don't forget things and whose days consist of knowing exactly where I am supposed to be at what time. I am always the one with a plan - that girl who has had a plan for where I want to get in life and how I am going to get there since I was ten. 

While being organised is good to some extent, I can hold my hands up and admit that I lack patience. If I'm completely honest I get crazy frustrated by those people who hold up the airport queues because they don't have their passport ready and the procrastinators of this world who take two hours to do something that could be done in less than half that time. 

I have been challenged to the max in this area while we have been out here. Everyone has heard of the concept of 'African Time'. Coming to Africa I have found it extremely hard to adjust to this. God has given me a massive dollop of grace in this area and has been changing my heart. I am the girl who can find revelations in every day moments, in watching the waves crash onto the beach or seeing a child's genuine smile, and in learning to wait an hour for people to show up. The old me would have freaked out if we turned up in Sweet-waters for house visits to pick up the interpreter at the time arranged only to have to go to her house to wake her up and have her join us in her PJ's - but that sort of thing is normal here. 

I don't think that I will ever become the one who is late to everything (although I seem to have adopted some of the African time with how late this blog is - apologies on the couple of weeks I missed). But I am able to take a deep breath now and remind myself 'There is no rush. Just smile and enjoy this moment. Things will eventually get done.' Learning to live in this culture has changed my view on a lot of things...

I am a people person. I love people. I never considered that I might put accomplishments above people. But I am from an individualistic, achievement-driven culture where if you have a list of things to do you will be so focussed on getting them done that any interaction that distracts you will be avoided. 

'Relationships can be built only if you invest time in people.' Am I building real relationships if I am not investing my whole self; my time, actually sacrificing things, not just reaching the surface?

In South Africa that is turned on its head - everything is about community. If you are in the middle of something and someone comes in you are expected to drop everything to have a chat or help them. When someone asks how you are it's not just a polite courtesy, it is with genuine interest. Everything here is based around relationships and I am growing a much deeper love for making my priority investing in people. Deadlines become so much less important when the importance of spending time with those who need you is increased. Maybe if we start to adopt this attitude in our westernised countries we can become less self centred and more servant hearted. 

'There's no greater investment in life than being a people builder. Relationships are more important than our accomplishments.'

African time has also taught me that if you're always racing to the next moment then you never fully appreciate the one you're in. There is a beauty and calmness in just being content with where you are right then. Especially because now life here has become normal, time can just fly by and before you know it it's gone. 

Highlights of the last couple of weeks at Tabitha include: having the kids give us flowers and letters thanking us for being 'mother figures' to them on Mothers Day, watching the boys having a splashing (ha ha) time washing the cars, riding bikes with the older children and seeing them so happy as the wind blew their faces when they raced & teaching Laura to ride a bike (yes she really couldn't ride a bike), watching the rugby where a generous spectator bought all the children a hot dog for lunch, being able to give all the girls new princess duvets for their beds, getting the opportunity to help coach the grade 5-7 boys in a football tournament, seeing the kids improve so much in their swimming lessons (with their new swimming caps), relaxing on the beach on our midterm break day, having a movie night where we all snuggled up and watched Frozen on the projector (complete with popcorn), getting a new oven in the interns kitchen (no more burnt pizzas on Saturday nights - fingers crossed) and the launch of a new Monday night bible study on the sanctity of life. 

Please pray for: the teams health (we have not had the best few weeks with abscesses, rashes, bites and sickness), that the sickness bug going round the children will pass and for the supply of HIV medicine and kids as they change medication.

	

				
												
						
													

								

										
																																	
																						
											
										
								
																	

										
											
											
											
										
										
									
															
											
					
																			
						
													

								

										
																																	
																						
											
										
								
																	

										
											
											
											
										
										
									
															
											
					
																			
						
													

								

										
																																	
																						
											
										
								
																	

										
											
											
											
										
										
									
															
											
					
																			
						
													

								

										
																																	
																						
											
										
								
																	

										
											
											
											
										
										
									
															
											
					
																			
						
													

								

										
																																	
																						
											
										
								
																	

										
											
											
											
										
										
									
															
											
					
																			
						
													

								

										
																																	
																						
											
										
								
																	

										
											
											
											
										
										
									
															
											
					
										
		

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The Queens are an amazing family who have made us feel at home since we have been in South Africa. Paige and Thomas have two kids; Elizabeth (18) and Jacob (13).  They way they live is inspirational; continually being selfless and sacrificial. I have never met people who are so committed to the cause of Christ – they dedicate so much time, energy and love not only to the kids here but to looking after us. When they have time off they take us on trips, they allow us into their home when we need time away from Tabitha and they are always there for a chat if we need support with anything. Seeing as they are such a big part of our lives here I wanted to share a bit about them through an interview with Paige…

1. How did you first become missionaries and what made you decide to come to Tabitha? 

We were living in Tennessee where me and Thomas both grew up. Thomas was a high school teacher and football coach and I was a very well paid radiologist – I was earning a lot of money and I didn’t know what to do with it. I tithed 10% and we still had enough to go on crazy vacations and live in a massive house with a pool and jacuzzi and three cars. In 2012 I heard a talk at a conference which impacted me – it talked about how God blesses us with overflow but we don’t usually share it with those who need it. I went away feeling convicted and read two books (Radical by David Platt and Crazy Love by Francis Chan) and the parables of the rich young ruler and the rich young fool which I identified with. God was talking to me about what I was doing with my life, he was challenging me. “Would you give up everything and follow me?” As a family we started to increase the percentage we gave and then started to give our time to go on mission trips. We went to Honduras and Zimbabwe as a family and although it opened our eyes we never felt like either of those were places we were called to long term; the kids would have been socially isolated, we would all have to learn a new language and  they were very dangerous countries. While we were in Zimbabwe someone from Baptist Global Response told us about Tabitha. We arranged to come here for four weeks, and knew straight away it was the place, we had a peace about it and knew this was where we were supposed to be. However we needed to be 100% sure before we left everything so we prayed. ‘If you want us to go Lord, you will have to sell our house.’ Two weeks later, we hadn’t even put the house on the market and it was sold…for asking price! So we went on a missionary training course and now here we are!

2. What kind of work are you involved in on a day to day basis at the orphanage? 

I would say my job title is ‘Volunteer Coordinator’. Mostly I look after you guys (and all the interns/volunteers we have here). I guess we are like your South African parents – making sure everything is a good as possible for you and you have everything you need, and look after you when you get sick (or have appendicitis!) When we first got here I was very focussed on getting more funding and doing a lot of media and publicity. I still do some of that but not as much. I also run devotional and baking classes for the girls, help out in the school, organise donations and do ‘house visits’ in Sweetwaters (going into home of the sick and medically examining them and offering scripture, prayer, medicine and food.) Thomas mostly did construction work for the first six months of us being here. Now he is the principal of the school at Tabitha and so is in charge of all the schooling and educational side of things. We also spend a lot of time taking the kids off campus; swim lessons, to see Jacob’s rugby etc.

3. What is the best thing or most rewarding thing for you at Tabitha? 

Definitely seeing people coming to Christ on house visits in Sweetwaters. I can be discouraged by ‘kissing all the frogs’ on house visits until I find the one that really needs me. But when that happens it is really rewarding. It is also great to see the kids I work with improve spiritually. When one of the girls in my small group learnt her books of the Bible I was so proud. When we first got here the kids couldn’t read at all, so seeing them read now, however slowly, is very encouraging too.

4. What are your plans for the future? 

Thomas and I stopped planning our future out far in advance 3 years ago when God called us to the mission field. Our family walks by faith now moment to moment and at this moment God has called us here. Our plan is just to carry on being guided by Him and go where He leads us.

5. Are there any specific prayer requests you have for Tabitha and the work you are doing? 

– Guidance with discipline in Tabitha children

– Wisdom and follow through in Tabitha Staff meetings

– Salvation for the Tabitha kids and Sweetwaters patients

– Growth in Sweetwaters Bible studies; in the young adults lives and increased attendance.